Sweet Bitterness of Solitude

Over the past few months, because of the pandemic, we are feeling more isolated than ever, without a physical setting to have water cooler conversation with colleagues or due to reasons such as not being able to visit families because of the flight disruption. Many are feeling a lack of meaningful social contacts and relationships with others. While our relationship with others and the world evolve as we grow, the scale and extent of the isolation that we are experiencing is unprecedented. Research shows that some people thrive while being alone, whereas others suffer tremendously. In this essay, I want to delve deeper into the repercussions of solitude and how we can make the best of lone time.

Humans are social creatives. We are hardwired to crave physical touch. As the saying goes “Love is in the air”, the chemicals we are emitting, the body signals when we are in close proximity with others can never be replaced by video conferencing. We learn through schools, institutions to acquire knowledge, validate our identities through socialization process. While social media has offered us a plethora of opportunities to engage with friends and families, we still feel dissonant and isolated with the lack of meaningful social contact. The need to interact is one of our fundamental needs.

What happens when we are stripped of this functionality to meet others whenever and wherever? Some of us experience low self-esteem, depression, hopelessness and a loss of interest in life. Loneliness also leads to a higher health risk, cardiovascular disease and cognitive decline (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010).

Many factors determine how well we handle isolation. The intent we have when confronted with isolation determines the outcome by a large extent.

Many philosophical, spiritual work praise the benefits of solitude for introspection and growth. In order for us to see the benefits and opportunities that lie with solitude, we have to differentiate loneliness and solitude. Loneliness means the absence of a companion. While being alone, you can be in solitude.

Thoreau found the antidote to loneliness in solitude is to create a space for constructive solitude. Proactively seeing it as a place of opportunity for self-growth helps to reframe the mindset. In fact, those who use semi-seclusion to pursue an intensive course on self-education, undistracted reading experienced new found joy in achieving independence.

The best way we can grapple with the negative contour of solitude and the inevitable sense of loss of companions is to give purpose to solitude. Make it a goal to spend time wisely and productively. By seeking to live a fully integrated life with meaning and purpose while keeping an self-effacing attitude will help us stay unmoved by the difficulties that solitude brings and the negativity that craws up when we are anxious of being alone for who knows how long. Replace the feeling of loss, anxiety and self-doubt with renewed peace at discovering the new selves we are building in this strange time. That way, we will look back and be grateful for having this tremendous opportunity to break through and come out stronger, wiser and kinder. Seeking to live a fully integrated life.

The last thing we can keep in mind is how solitude is unity. Instead of feeling like being abandoned by the world and resent the circumstances, we can shift our perspective and realize that we are living as everybody else and feel the connectedness and oneness with others.